By Carol Goh
Struggling with frequent outbursts or simmering irritation? WhatsApp us, contact us, or book an appointment for in-person or online sessions.
What is anger?
“Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage,” noted psychologist Charles Spielberger, Ph.D. Common body signs include:
- Faster heartbeat
- Increased blood pressure
- Reduced empathy in the moment
- Urge to lash out
- Feeling like you’re “losing it”
If anger is affecting work, relationships, or health, targeted therapy can help you regain regulation and respond—not react.
Why anger becomes a big concern
Unchecked anger can feel terrifying for the people around us—and for ourselves. It disrupts trust, intimacy, and performance. Many people describe being generally calm until a trigger (e.g., road rage) sends arousal “through the roof.” When anger has become frequent or chronic, deeper work is needed than surface tips alone.
The deeper engine: anger as a secondary emotion
Beneath outbursts are usually primary emotions that were never processed:
- Past hurts, fear, or threat
- Feeling disrespected, humiliated, or devalued
- Not feeling loved or accepted
- Powerlessness / feeling “small”
These can date back to childhood. Basic tips (counting to ten, time-outs) help in the moment, but long-term change comes from processing the roots. See also Psychotherapy for how we go beyond talk.
Where anger shows up
1) Family dynamics
- Childhood abuse or harsh criticism can seed lifelong anger that bursts out with spouses or children.
- Comparisons among siblings often backfire, scripting “I’m never good enough,” a potent trigger later in life.
For adolescent patterns and parental tools, see Connecting with “Rebellious” Teenagers and Youth Counselling.
2) School experiences
- Being shamed in class, bullied or ostracised breeds injustice and humiliation.
Unprocessed school wounds frequently resurface in adult conflicts. Related: Low Self-esteem.
3) Workplace stress
- Overwork, public criticism, being scapegoated, or blocked promotions accumulate as resentment—then spill over at home.
4) Marriage issues
- Infidelity, abuse, or unmet expectations fuel cycles of attack–defend–withdraw. Couples often need guided de-escalation plus trauma work. See Marriage Counselling.
When to seek therapy
Anger is normal and can even protect boundaries—until it becomes intense, frequent, or aggressive (verbal threats, property damage, self-harm, or assault). If you often feel on edge or can’t “switch off,” therapy can help identify triggers and rebuild regulation.
How counselling helps
At Emotional Wellness Counselling Singapore, we combine insight work with experiential methods to resolve roots and teach skills that last:
- History & patterns: upbringing, attachment, current stressors
- Skills: breath training, progressive muscle relaxation, stimulus control
- Deeper processing using evidence-based approaches:
- EMDR to desensitise “hot” memories and update beliefs
- Schema Therapy to break life-traps like “I’m disrespected”
- Gestalt (e.g., Empty Chair) to express unsaid anger safely
Many clients also benefit from Stress Counselling if overload is a key driver.
Benefits you can expect
- Fewer and shorter flare-ups
- Clearer boundaries without aggression
- Better communication and repair skills
- Improved self-esteem and trust at home and work
Getting started
You don’t have to white-knuckle it. With structured therapy and practice, anger becomes information—not a takeover.
WhatsApp us for a quicker response.
Book recommendations
- Angry Men and The Women Who Love Them — Paul Hegstrom
- Boiling Point — David Stoop
- Healing the Angry Brain — Ronald Potter-Efron
- How to Forgive When You Don’t Feel Like It — June Hunt
- The Dance of Anger — Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.
The information in this article is for educational purposes and isn’t a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
